Change

I have changed. Whoever I was the morning of March 26th is forever gone and has been since the afternoon of that very same day. I don't yet know who the new me is, but that will come, I suppose, with time.

There are a few things I do know.

I know I love my husband and I don't believe either of us could have gotten through the last 6 months without one another.

I know I didn't do anything wrong. By the time I realized Henry had stopped moving around in there, it was already too late.

I know my doctors didn't do anything wrong. It's easy to blame the medical team in a situation like this where the need to blame someone or something is so strong, but I know without a doubt they did everything right.

I know we made the right decision not to have genetic testing done at the beginning of my pregnancy with Henry. If we found out he had Downs earlier, I wouldn't have done a thing differently.

I know I already love the new baby. It was surprising to find out we were pregnant only 3 months after having Henry. But unlike the last big surprise we were given, this one is nothing but good.

The list of things I know is short. The unknown list is much longer. Some answers will come, and some will not. But honestly I'm not really looking for answers to the unknown stuff. Sometimes not knowing is scary, but sometimes there is comfort in not knowing it all. I accept that there are things I do not and will not know, and I can not control the uncontrollable.

I have changed. Maybe one day I'll figure out this new me...but for now, I have a baby to grow and keep safe. I can only do 1 thing at a time. . .