Three

I looked back at last years post around Sam's birthday and laughed because last year "two" was going to be my "new theme". I can certainly tell you that this year Three is NOT going to be a new theme. Last year I was going to have 2 boys and 2 hineys to wipe. I do have 2 ridiculously awesome boys, but thankfully, I'm back to 1 hiney. But what I loved most about reminiscing over last years birthday post is realizing just how much he grew up this year. So many changes - new house, new brother, new school, new undies. And with everything new, he just rolled with it.

His conversations and ideas are my favorite. His imagination makes me want to be three again. His love is big. And his laugh, often ornery, is contagious. He is independent. He can "do it myself". Even when he really can't, he'll try hard and then ask for help. He goes to Bo when he's crying, comforting with a hug. And even though he'll often use his hands or feet to push Bo away from his toys (oh, brothers), I'll catch him also showing Bo how to do something with patience and kindness. He has a glow work (named "Baby") and he is a mini me, doing everything for baby that I do for Bo. Bo needs a diaper, he also needs to change Baby's diaper. Bo needs a nap? Baby also needs a nap - which consists of me having to put sam's shades down, and turn on the sound machine just as I do for Bo. He tucks in baby, and whispers "Sweep dreams".

How could my sweet boy be three already? I wish I remembered better when he was a baby. Thank goodness for all the photos I have because my memory really is terrible. It all goes so damn fast. But every minute that flies by, I know Sam and I are soul mates. And for that I am so lucky. And so very happy.

Quietly Home

Over two weeks ago we officially bought our house. They gave us keys and the garage door opener (a HUGE deal since I've had off street parking for the last 8 years!!) and we signed a few papers and it was ours. A few other things had to happen, but thats the simplified version. :) That night, I got to spend a few hours in the house by myself. We didn't move everything in until the next day, so it was just an empty unfamiliar house that had a big yard full of grass begging to be mowed. I sat on the front porch for a while just listening. I couldn't hear horns honking. I couldn't hear heels clicking. I couldn't hear the 4pm rush of people walk past as they made their way to the homeless mission down the street. There were no sirens, no buses, no cell phone conversations I couldn't help but over hear. No clouds of cigarette smoke lulling past. It was quiet. It was peaceful. It was perfect. The only sound I could hear was the wind. I had forgotten that the wind even made noise. My head has been clogged with all those other noises for so long I didn't even realize I missed the sound of the empty branches brushing each other as the wind danced through them. Soft sounds took over the very hard sounds I was so used to. And I felt home.

I had a LOT of fun living in the city. I moved there for the same reason any other new college graduate - the bars. I might have told my parents it was because it was closer to work - and in fact it was - but really it was for the fun and life of it all. The same reasons which made me so ready to leave the city were exactly what drew me there to begin with. I was once the loud mouth with clacking heels and cigarettes on my way to and from the bar 3-4 nights a week. I was at every event, every happy hour, so many concerts and festivals. For a while there was a part of me that thought I would miss that. But it's been so long since  doing those things felt right I don't think I will.

Within minutes of listening to those branches in the wind, I knew. This was my home. The home I've been waiting for. I've had apartments, dorm rooms, couches to crash on, other peoples houses to live in. But I haven't had a home since mine burned down in front of my on March 12, 1998. The void has been filled. I think I knew it before that moment on the front porch. When we saw the house, I immediately began planning where things would go. I envisioned Sam and Booger playing in the yard. I began to tell Sam bedtime stories about a boy named Sam and his dog named Daisy and their adventures in the woods. I knew it then. The wind just made it official. Well, that and the keys.

To say Sam loves it here would be an incredible understatement. He just runs from room to room with a slobbery smile. He comes and takes my finger (or if I'm lucky sometimes Phil's finger) and drags me outside for what could be hours of endless fun with bubbles, balls, and all those things he has been missing. My favorite moment so far has been going outside after dinner with Sam, Phil and Daisy. Daisy tends to run around like a maniac but the freedom of being off leash brings her joy you can see in her smile (which is almost as slobbery as Sam's). Sam and Phil blow bubbles. Sam cracks up when one pops on his nose or if it happens to land on Dadda's, well that's even funnier. I said to Phil, "It doesn't get much better than this does it?" His smile was big and answered my question without a word needed. We finally have what we have been missing. The closeness of family, both his side and my side (although I hate to say "side" since we really are all one). To have my uncle and Dad come by with truck loads of trees and shrubs unexpectedly simply because they wanted to help and know that our yard is in need of some landscaping. To have my aunts drop by and put away the kitchen or bring lunch or flowers. To have my sisters offering in anyway to help. My parents watching Sam while we get things organized. To know Sam will be closer to his grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. It all makes my heart happy. Grandpa is pretty much his favorite person on earth and I'm so excited that Sam will have the closeness to him that I had with my own grandfathers - who were just as important to me.

Sam quickly settled in. The first outing we took, he waved as we turned out of the driveway and said "Bye home." (Well actually he said "die, home" but thats just how his bye's come out.)

So here are a few (a lot) of photos from the last few weeks. Some are from our last days in the city, and the rest are our first days in the new house. A mix of film and digital shots.

Sam's learning how to use the light meter on himself.  

had to get some final "on the stoop" pics before we went from Hons to Hicks.  

Daisy is psyched to have a bed by a low window again. She stalks "our" groundhog. 

Sam's adapted to country life, with a little help from John Deere.

It takes a few hours to do, but Phil's already mastered the art of mowing the lawn.

When Grandpa's truck pulls in, the squealing and jumping up and down begins.

The early morning view out our bedroom window . . .  

our BIG front yard...

From Starbucks and Sushi to Silos and Sticks.

If you would have bet me $1million 6 months ago that we would buy a house in the area I grew up, I would have laughed at you, shook your hand, and started thinking of ways to spend my new found fortune. But here we are, about to do that very thing. And I must say, I couldn't be happier. It's going to be pretty shocking to our system. We are going from living 1.5 miles from Phil's work to living 45 miles from it. That's pretty huge. But considering it took Phil 45 minutes to get home just the other day, the time really won't be as shocking as the gas pump charges.

As someone who grew up in the country, when I looked out the front door of this house and saw silos, I began mentally moving in. Thinking of which room would be Sam's, which drawer the utensils would go in the kitchen, what color would look great in the dining room. I began thinking of how much fun Sam and Booger would have running around the big yard (the one RIGHT outside the door, not the one we have to bundle up and walk 15 minutes to!!). I saw them playing by the edge of the woods, collecting sticks in a few years. And learning to play basketball in the driveway. And pictured sitting on the porch with a glass of lemonade (OK, lets be real, a big ol glass of wine) watching them run around with Daisy. Grass stains. Crickets. Cow manure. Camping in the back yard. Quiet nights. No more drunk high heel clacking. No more witnessed walks of shame. And stars. We can see the stars. I almost forgot what they looked like.

While at first the idea of moving in 30 days  (although fully my idea) seemed really quick, I realize now that it's not rushed. It's perfect. I've been waiting for this for 5 years. Holding my breath waiting for it.   Actually, I think I've been imagining this my whole life. Raising my kids somewhere they can grow, learn, play, laugh, get into trouble. Where I have to check them for ticks each summer night. Where I have to stand on the front porch and yell their name when it's dinner time. Where they can be close to family and know the importance of spending time with them regularly, just like I learned.

So send us your good juju. All the good vibes for a smooth and hassle-free next 30 days. Because I'm really looking forward to putting that key on my key chain on March 30th. And opening the front door and finally exhaling.

life

Have you ever seen someone's life change? I mean, literally with your own eyes the second it changed? I can proudly say I have and that it changed me a little too.

Last Monday night, I was there, camera in hand, waiting for my sister and her husband (Kristin & Jem) to have their baby. I was there to witness quietly my sister prove her strength, mostly to herself since everyone else knew she could do it. I was there watching the fetal monitors. And while I knew Kristin and Jem were starting to worry about their little one who was quite stubborn, I was completely trusting and confident there would, in the end, be nothing to worry about. I was there for some scary parts, and was witness to the love and support between them that filled the room (and take it from me, that room was HUGE) and made everyone's hearts fill with joy. I was there to click away, capturing the very first seconds of my NEICE's life. To run over to her and take some photos to bring over to my sister, who wasn't able to hold her for a while. To show her that she was indeed perfection. To document that incredible moment when finally Caroline Quinn was placed in her mamma's arms after many years of waiting. I wish my photos could have captured the sound in the room. The sound of Caroline's crying that stopped seconds after feeling her mamma's heartbeat and hearing her voice. I was there to see the love actually overflow out of the new parents and onto their strong little girl. I really think I saw it. I saw Jem's heart melt as his eyes went back and forth between his amazing wife and his brand new love. His feeling of bliss knowing he was blessed with his girls.

My big sister, who has taught me so much. Who has always been there for me. I am so proud of her. And so incredibly lucky to have been there to document the day for them. It was almost a week ago, and I have been trying to figure out the words that could describe the feeling of being the fly on the wall when the most amazing thing in the world happened to them. And I realize words can not do it justice. But hopefully paired with some of these images, you can begin to imagine. And you can see for yourself the love and joy Caroline brought them, and the love and joy they have for her.

I love you Kristin, Jem, Caroline, Max and Savannah.