hibernation

Well, I made it 20 days with posting a photo everyday. I could have posted the last 11 days but I really decided I don't like to blog just to blog. I do take a photo of Sam almost every day, sometimes just with my phone, and I look at them every night while I park myself in front of the computer to get some work done (or more recently watch netflix instant download movies in the corner of my computer screen while getting not everything I wanted to get done, done). Seriously though, the netflix instant download and a 27" screen is AWESOME. I can watch a movie, and have photoshop going and email up and there is still room on the screen.

Phil is away this week and I decided I'm going to use the extra quiet time for me. I'm not going to stare at the computer screen until 130am every day. I'm going to finish my book and start another one. I'm going to take a bath every night. I'm going to have scrambled eggs or a frozen kashi waffle for dinner (or the other half of Sam's mac 'n cheese as I did tonight!). I'm going to go to bed early. I'm going to write (with a pen and paper!) in my notebook. I'm going to meditate. And although I have a hard time keeping my mind still for more than 90 seconds, I'm going to try everyday anyway.

So since I promised my sister last week that I would post some photos of Sam playing with his favorite toy which happens to be the farm she gave him for Christmas, here they are. He really does love that thing.

EVERYTHING goes down the silo. He has now figured out how to get things out of the silo, thankfully. He would get really mad when he would shove 49 things down there and then couldn't get them out!

While there are 100 more photos i'd love to put up. I'm going to go be selfish now. Ciao.

(PS - Daddy if you are reading this in Utah, we love and miss you ;)

just another thursday

I've been feeling a bit lately that I need to get more done around the house. It builds and builds and then becomes too overwhelming and I give up. So today, I really tried. I did what felt like 100 loads of laundry, I cleaned the kitchen, I really had good intentions and felt like the day flew by and it felt like I did so much. But really I didn't make a dent. I go and get distracted by work.

I'm a bit obsessed with my 52 on friday's project and it's only week 2! This week the theme is reds and pinks. I've been thinking about it for over a week now, and today I put the ideas together and started shooting. I even made a red velvet cake just incase my other ideas didn't work. Well, now I have a tooth ache, a belly ache, and a new obsession with the most delicious cake I've ever tasted. And I still cant decide on a photo. Looks like tomorrow I'll be out looking for more red. And that to do list will once again have to wait.

 

walking

After things happened that shattered my world, I kept walking. I didn't turn around. I might have slowed down here and there, but I kept walking. I always have to keep walking. It's the only way I get through. If you keep walking you are bound to come across some beauty. Beauty that comes from those world shattering moments. Beauty that you simply can't see if you stand still in the ruins.

Last April, we walked. We laughed. We remembered. We smiled. We came together and raised nearly $5700 for the March for Babies Team HPB. It was just over a year since we lost our Henry, and just 6 weeks since we were blessed with our Samuel.

When Phil and I decided we wanted to walk last year, we were excited to set up a team and hopefully raise a few dollars for this organization we believe in so much. I thought $500 as a team goal was probably too high, but I figured if we had to put in more of our money to meet it, then so be it. That $500 was met within a week of sending out the first email. So I raised the goal. And then raised it again, and again. And on the day of the walk I was so proud of all of my friends and family who were a part of this incredibly special day for me and Phil. We were the top family team in Harford County.

I remember participating in this very walk as a kid with a friend and her mom. I didn't know anything about the March of Dimes except that it helped sick babies. I now wish I knew why they were walking. I wish I knew their story. It might be like mine. But back then, it wouldn't have meant to me what it does now. I know that to some people this is "just a walk" or "just another fundraiser" and thats okay. But to me, this is by no means just another walk. This is our small way to keep Henry's memory alive. This is our small way to contribute to an organization that can help fund research so another family doesn't have to loose their Henry.

Please consider joining our team and helping raise money and awareness for this fantastic organization. If you don't want to walk but want to contribute, click below and donate online. Every little bit counts. And every dollar is appreciated so very much.

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★


And since I simply can't post without a bubba pic (or twoish) . . .

 I'm not sure why he looks like a homeless man here? whats up with that hair?

incognito

Do you recognize this handsome devil? He was feeling a bit overexposed with the blog so todays post is his latest disguise. I dig it.

;)

comfort

When I was a kid I had a "little pillow". That thing was nasty. Seroiusly. Blood stained. Drool stained. Gross. But I loved it. I don't remember when I was really little dragging it around or anything, but it was always on my bed at night. Sometimes I wish I still had it. I can still remember how soft it was. All worn in. The stuffing so matted down there was practically no fluff to it at all.

Sam's "little pillow" is Snoop Dog. I will admit, I created the monster of Snoop Dog. When he stopped taking a pacifier, I wanted to make sure he had some kind of comfort in the middle of the night besides me so I started throwing Snoop in his bassinet and crib with him. And now, Snoop is a permanent fixture in our day. If Sam is grumpy, Snoop Dog makes him stop whining - even if only temporarily. If Sam is feeling playful, a nice game of peek a boo with my head covered by Snoop always brings out giggles. And when he's tired? Forget about going to bed without Snoop. If Snoop Dog slips through the crib rails, Sam will without fail wake up screaming.

I love that this little weird blanket with a head brings him such comfort and joy. I also love when he mistakes Daisy's ear for Snoop and buries his head into hers.

As a grown up, I think it's a little sad it's not acceptable for adults to have a Snoop. I'm not saying I want to walk around with a blankie in my back pocket or anything, but what is it that is constant in my life that I know will make me smile, laugh, and feel better the second I touch it. I think I have a few of these things. Kind of like how Sam has 3 Snoops (a pair and a spare!). Phil, Sam, and Daisy are my Snoop Dogs. Without fail, when I am sad, giddy, sleepy, sick, happy, or lonely, seeing them always brings me comfort.

And sometimes, I'll admit, I sleep with one of Sam's Snoop Dogs. That thing is really soft.

more

Mouth open, eyes wide. without words, I know Sam is saying "MORE, MORE!" When he is hungry, if your hands (or feet - ick - but for real) get anywhere close to his mouth, he says it with mouth open and eyes wide. Phil does the same thing now that I think about it. ;)

We went to our friends for a great brunch today. . . Sam had a good time with his new buddy.

Note - when Sam is tired, he sucks in his lips like this - much different from the "more food" face.

naked

Well I couldn't show the whole photo... I might be slapped with an emancipation suit if I did. 

But I love that tiny hiney. He was crawling furiously to get to the bath. Then he stopped and peed on the carpet. Just like a puppy. I couldn't have cared less. 

nap

Although I no longer have a 9-5 M-F kind of job, I still look forward to the weekend. Phil is home, I get to go to the gym, we can hang out a bit and relax when we can. It's lovely. I am especially glad this is a 3 day weekend. I need a nap. So does Phil. And by the looks of this photo, so does Sam. 

He's a really good napper really. But for some reason this afternoon he wanted to skip his usual 3rd nap and decided to have whineapalooza instead. y e a h.

He has been riding on this dino Aunt Kristin and Uncle Jem gave him for Christmas a lot actually. He kind of moves his feet a la Fred Flintstone, but I don't know if its intentional. So this afternoon during intermission of the aforementioned festival, I pushed him all over every square foot of this house on this darn thing just to keep the volume down. 

Thus, I need a nap.

And I'm going now to take one. 

Oh, and check out my new 52 project on my photo blog. Be sure to click through to see all the other wonderful photographers who are a part of the project. 

Harkins volume

With Sam, the volume is either on silent, or full blast. He "talks" a LOT and when he does, he has Harkins volume. The kind of volume where you can hear the conversation over the phone although the phone is 3 feet from your ear. Judy-Ho thats loud. ;)

But more and more recently, when he's not loud-talking, I notice the quiet and begin to get curious. No doubt, he is up to something. Yesterday getting in to my diaper bag. Today, I found him hiding in the very small space between our bed and the wall of the bedroom - he was playing with a bobby pin. Then later, in the time if too me to stick my head and arm out of his bedroom door to shoo Daisy out of his room at bedtime, I turn around and where's Sam? For a second I thought did he get by me and go into the bathroom? Is he behind the rocker? Then I hear the loud bang of his head against the closet door. He was in the closet. Of course. How could I forget - there are many many enticing things in the closet.The trash can, bulk pack os wipes, clothes that don't fit anymore, dust and dog hair. He didn't make a peep about the head knock. That kid has a super human strength head. He gives me at least a head-butt a day and I am almost always the one who tears up.

He's getting more and more sneaky, and more and more ornery. And I'm once again noticing more and more crows feet as a result of the smiling. It's fantastic!

Tomorrow is Sam's first music class. He missed last week because he was sick so hopefully the other kids aren't already playing Stairway to Heaven with that head start...I think we can catch up though.

See how he looks a little bit guilty of something with that smirk? 

word of the day

 . . . Share.

Sam discovered some snacks in my diaper bag when I wasn't looking and of course his bff was right there to help get rid of the evidence. It takes him forever to pull out a snack from those containers, but when he did, he would first offer it to Daisy before quickly swiping his hand back and eating it himself. It was really funny to watch this go on for nearly 10 minutes.

hibernate

OMG it's snowing. (and omg I just said omg. I need to get off the computer) Everyone has been building up this snowfall like it's going to beat the blizzard of 2010 or something. School closed early when the snow didn't even start falling until close to 5pm. I'm all for the snow. Bring it. I am ready to hibernate for a few days. Not go anywhere. Snuggle up with hot tea, an On Demand movie and my blanket covered in daisy hair. And nurse the colds Phil and I both have now. Probably thanks to Sam.

I'm sure we'll only get a teensy bit of snow instead of the feet I was hoping for, but I'm getting ready for hibernation anyway, just incase. I made a big ol pot of creamy tomato soup with ham and cheese puff pastry sandwiches tonight. YUMMMM.

(wow i'm a crappy food photographer - even I don't want to eat this now)

 Maybe tomorrow if we get to hibernate more, we'll work on some paintings. Sam actually didn't really like this activity, and whats strange is that I was a bit disappointed he didn't try to eat the paint. I bought him paint made from food so it was safe for him if he decided to put his hands in his mouth. I kind of wanted him to! But he didn't. Maybe next time.

He did create his first masterpiece though. I think I'll print this for our walls :)

*note the really crappy quality of this "mouth safe" paint. I think the toxic kind looks prettier.

details

My new favorite thing - Sam now throws his arm around my neck when I pick him up. Sometimes it's just for a second, but often thats the best second of my day. There's nothing like it. Another new favorite thing - the dimple in Sam's chin thats getting a little bit more defined. My grandfather had a dimple in his chin. I like to think thats where Sam gets it from. And another new favorite thing - Sam's eye color...It changes from green to brown. Sometimes it seems dark, sometimes it seems really bright. But most of the time it's so similar to Phils eye color. I secretly (alright not very secretly at all) wanted Sam to have my eye color because I love green eyes, but I actually love that he has Phil's. And another - Sam's eyelashes. While they are not a new favorite thing, they make me swoon every time I see them!

You know, I take several (hundred) photos of Sam every day. The poor kid is definitely going to have the "photographers child" complex. I'll be VERY lucky to get a smile out of him once a year as he gets older, it's just how it goes. But thats really ok. Because we smile and giggle so much when the camera is away, that I know I'll never forget those times. I don't need a photo to remember that. What I'll remember when I see the photos I do take, is me behind the camera singing Elmo, talking like Bert (I definitely do a better Bert than Ernie), blowing raspberries, putting things on my head, etc, to get Sam to look at me. This might explain why he usually looks at the camera like he's confused. He probably is! All the jumping around like an idiot I do...it's definitely confusing! 

But it's all worth it. We have fun, we make messes, we dance around like idiots, we giggle, we drool (yes sometimes I do it too), we annoy Daisy, we go up the steps, we go down the steps, we read books, we share lunch. And I always want to do these things. I never want to be so worried about taking photos of Sam that I miss all the fun we have. I don't just want to capture the moments in photos, I want to be a part of the experiences that he is too young to remember, but I know I will treasure always. And treasure them I do...

ten

Ten months today. In. Sane.

But, no more fever! Best monthday present ever! Sam woke up ornery and I knew he must be feeling better. Snuggling was a thing of the past and chasing after the remote, ipad, phone, and any other electronic device he knows he isn't supposed to have was back.

And I loved every second of ornery smiles today.

still...

yup. still febrile. yeah. 

He's doing ok though, still hanging out like a trooper most of the day. Although, he does require a bit of extra snuggling, which I am happy to give him. We'll hope the fever breaks tonight or tomorrow so we dont have to get any bloodwork on Monday. 

He's still darn cute though, fever or no fever.

And if you are on a New Years diet, this might sting a little.
If only it was scratch n sniff. Peanut butter icing? Yes, please. Hey, If I can't make Sam feel better, I can at least make us some cupcakes!