Step AWAY from the stand mixer

Good morning. My name is Meghan and I'm a bake-a-holic. It started a few years ago with a few cakes or cookies and I was only a "social baker". But it spun out of control and now I can't stop. It's no longer for social events, I bake alone. A little lemon shortbread in the morning, some peanut butter crumble cookies in the afternoon, almond biscotti baking at 10pm. That was my "rock bottom" (mmmm black bottoms anyone?), almond biscotti baking while I sit on the couch alone, Phil out of town on a business trip, and my eyelids so exhausted they could hardly stay open. I felt so tired - my body drained of all energy - but the next thing I knew I was standing on the kitchen chair reaching into the cabinet above the fridge pulling out the new bag of all-purpose flour.

You may think this is ridiculous but it's definitely a problem! Just ask my thighs, butt, and bat-wings.

I have been trying to figure out what is up with the baking. I'm trying to lose the rest of this baby weight and having my gigantic, 200 calorie-per-cookie chocolate chip wonders laying around turns me into Lindsay Lohan at Chateau Marmont. Even with a SCRAM  device (mine is the scale) I can't put down the drug. (but really those chocolate chip ones are the best)

I am a good baker. I know I am. And right now, it's one of the only things I can be sure I'm good at doing. And I think it's really that simple. I don't know if I'm doing anything right as a mother, but what parent ever knows? I don't know if I am being a good wife to Phil - I certainly don't keep the house clean and don't want to make dinner and all the other things I'm "supposed" to do as a stay at home mom. I do think I'm good at photography but I want to keep learning and getting better. On any given day when there are so many things I'm doing without validation I'm doing them correctly, I know if I bake something it will be delicious. And that can be something I'm doing right.

But really how do we ever know if we are doing the right thing? Trust? Faith? Where does that come from?

For now, I'm just going to step away from the stand mixer, and walk towards the gym. I'm good at that too.