flying

{I am starting to understand how one day, week, month turns into one year. I started to write this post on Tuesday. Then life happened and now it is Saturday! But, I'm not skipping this one. This one is big. This one is about my bubba.}

One year. A year has never flown by so quickly before. A year full of unknowns, uncertainty, doubt. All of those things, fortunately overshadowed by joy, smiles, laughter and a whole lotta drool. What I have learned this past year isn't something I can even describe here. It's that feeling you always imagined would come hit you like a ton of bricks when you became a parent. People always tell you about it. But its no one time ton of bricks, friends, its a constant sprinkle of them that make your heart heavier each day when you open your eyes and your first thought is of your child, even though your last thought (likely only a few hours before) was the same.

One year might not be all that big a deal in the grand scheme of it all, but darn if I'm not going to celebrate it like it is!

We partied, we danced, we sang, we ate, we drank (some had milk, some had wine), we laughed, we drooled (ahem, Phil), we wobbled, we cried. We lived. We flew. Whatever wind it is that makes the time go by so sweepingly fast, I'm going to lift my arms and let it carry me along. Because it was a beautiful year. A beautiful birthday. My beautiful boy. Our beautiful life.

I learned the most in this last year than in any year before. Mostly about myself. About what I can do, who I can be, who I want to be, and how to get there. I'm not really one to give unsolicited advice, so I won't. But I do want to share the important things I have learned this year, even as a reminder to myself.

When people say you'll never know love until you look at your child, they are right.

When those people also say to you to "enjoy every minute", remember that not every minute is enjoyable, and you aren't a bad mother or person for thinking so.

Sometimes I need to just sit down because the feeling that comes over me thinking about Sam and what he means to me is going to knock me on my ass.

Pedicures are important. I miss them.

I cannot live without caffeine. Not even a day without. Not even a few hours past 8am without.

Being forced to get up early did not turn me into a morning person. Now instead of sleeping late, I'm just grumpy and awake in the morning, and still up too late every night.

Although sometimes Phil takes a backseat to Sam, I love Phil more than before because of him.

It really is possible to have everything you ever wanted.

Becoming a mother is exactly what I was supposed to do. I might not get it right, I might have to wing it most of the time, but it's exactly what I am supposed to do because it has undoubtedly made me a better person.

Having children made me love my parents even more.

I have more patience than I thought I did, but only for kids. I still have little for adults.

Putting myself out there with the blog, facebook, photography, etc, has helped me face my insecurities, some I didn't even know I had.

I'm pretty sure Sam's first sentence is going to have a curse word in it. Whoops.

There will never be enough room for all the Sam stuff.

I would rather spend the afternoon playing with Sam on the floor than doing laundry (wait, I think I already knew that one before this year - but it's an important one ;) )

I'm ok with the fact that friends and family will see our house messy every time they come over. My house is full of toys and random junk, and it is what it is.

I swore to myself I wouldn't completely dork out for Sam's birthday. What a fool I was to believe that!

Daisy is THE best dog in the entire world. I don't walk her enough. I don't praise her enough. I don't play with her enough. But she is definitely Sam's best friend. She takes a hit (or 3) and comes back for more with affection.

I might be a mushy person on my blog and want to go on about Sam all the time here, but in the real world, I still want to sit and have wine and talk about anything BUT how many times he pooped that day when I'm with my girls.

I love who I have become. And I'm ok that some people might take that the wrong way. The conceited way. Because I have learned that that was missing before. I didn't love who I was, what I was doing. And finding that love has a lot to do with Sam. A whole lot to do with Phil. And everything to do with Henry. And finding that love has made so many things possible for me. My heart is open.

So if I learned all this in one year, imagine all the things Sam learned in his first year! From learning that he had arms, to learning how to roll, sit, eat, stand, cruise, walk, talk, hug, kiss, yell, laugh, laugh harder that anyone thought possible, snuggle, play, love. He had a pretty eventful year. We all did.

So we celebrated.

Actual birthday we went to the aquarium to see the dolphin show and jellyfish!

Happy year, sweet boy. I love every ounce of your little maniac self. I can't wait to see where the next flight takes all of us.