Bubba's NST

I think the people who have the power to do such things should seriously consider re-naming the "Non-Stress Test". I found out today that I am having one tomorrow at my routine OB appointment and I've been stressed ever since! I think I'm worried about it because I didn't have time to mentally prepare. I need to have a talk with Bubba to make sure he does what he is supposed to do so that no one has any reason to worry.

He has been pretty entertaining this week though. He's had the hiccups a few times which I enjoy for some weird reason. I think I like it when he has them because they don't hurt me like his punches and kicks but I'm still reminded that he's in there and doing ok.

Every night when I go to lay down on my aching left side, he gets comfy and starts to punch. Without fail, as soon as I start to breathe calmly as I'm going to sleep, he takes his opportunity to get rowdy! I don't mind. I do mind when he does it so much in the middle of the night that it wakes me up and I can't go back to sleep.

I'm starting to feel the anxiety that I knew would come. I'm now 34 1/2 weeks and the end is near. I'm getting anxious about him getting here. The entirety of this pregnancy I've been pretty good with handling all of the emotions that come and go because of what happened to Henry. But I knew that everything might change the closer we got to Bubba's due date. I'm not worried that the same thing will happen to Bubba. I'm actually not worried about that at all. I know he is doing well in there. Part of my anxiety comes from being pregnant for so flipping long. All in all it will be 20 months straight with a short 2 month break and I'm ready to finally have my baby boy in my arms. And my body is definitely ready to find normalcy again. Part of it also comes because I worry about what it will be like when he does get here. Will I fall apart when I realize what I lost when Henry died? I will finally know what it is like to have a baby, my baby, to take care of. Will that remind me of what it should have been like last spring? It's all so unclear. Impossible to predict. I don't know how to prepare for all that is to come if I don't know whats coming. I know we'll get through it and Bubba will be here, healthy and probably ornery, soon.

There's a full moon on February 28. It's a Sunday. I'll be 38 weeks. Lets all pray he decides to come then! And pray the NST tomorrow goes well so I can go back to non-stress-ing.