Nurse Meghan?

I wanted to be many things throughout my life. A writer, a race car driver, a body builder, a business owner, a photographer, a teacher, a nurse, a hair stylist. Some of the desired occupations were more realistic than others, but I'm proud to say that I can cross some of these things off, and a few more in the not too distant future (fingers crossed). I will likely never be a professional race car driver or body builder, but I used to drive my mini Cooper around like I was and felt like I was a body builder when I would lift more than all the women and men in my body pump classes. I recently became a hair stylist because of Sam. His hair is so thick and I will at some point need to take him to a real stylist but for now I can handle it; just don't look too closely.

And now, I am a nurse. Phil is home from his 1 week vacation at chez Johns Hopkins Hospital, and still needs IV antibiotics for possibly 6 weeks. The home health nurse was here for over an hour Friday getting us situated and giving us a quick course in PICC line use. While it was tough when she was here because I had to wrestle Sam and Daisy away from the IV pole and boxes of medical supplies, I actually enjoy giving Phil his meds. I think syringes are kind of fun (these don't have needles, don't worry!). He has to have them 4 times a day, so 6am, noon, 6pm, and midnight. Phil is able to administer them on his own, but I like doing it too when I can.

It's not all excitement about this huge adjustment - for either of us. With this PICC in his inner bicep, phil isn't allowed to lift more than 5 lbs with that arm. Meaning, he can't pick up Sam. This is upsetting and hard for both of us. Obviously after being away from Sam for so long, the first thing he wanted to do was grab him, pick him up, and hold on tight. I know I couldn't go that long without picking him up. There's just no way. What's hard for me is I probably can't get out of the house without Sam, which means I'm held a bit captive as well.

I can't help but have the thoughts that nag so much it makes my head hurt. The thoughts that do absolutely NO good. The heavy negative thoughts. The self-pity thoughts. The thoughts that act as a big waste of time and energy. And I want to acknowledge them, ever so briefly, because the sooner I acknowledge them, the sooner I can give them the boot. So . . .  for real, what the hell? I stopped believing in Luck a long time ago, thinking its a ridiculous thing that has no merit in my opinion. And I must say, it's a damn good thing I did because if I did believe in Luck, I would start to think that the Boyer "Luck" was more of a curse. I was trying to think about the unlucky things that have happened to my other friends and family and probably because I got stuck in the foggy, selfish place where only my problems exist, I had a hard time thinking of anything, at least recently. I'm not really that self absorbed to truely think that no bad things happen to anyone else. Thats ridiculous. It's just when you get knocked sideways so many times in a short period of time, you start to have blurred vision. But what does stand out through the fog, is the idea that we might have something to do with it all. If there is such a thing as Luck, can we do anything to change it's fate??

I've been thinking about this for over a week now, and I've got nothin'. No answer. No brilliant epiphany.  Nada. So the only thing I can change, I will. I can't control Luck, that sneaky bastard, but I can control how I think and react. And I'm doing my best to laugh, and laugh hard, in the face of Luck. Maybe if I smile at it more, it will print those magic numbers on that little white ticket the nice lady at Smitty's liquor store hands to Phil once a week. I mean, if there is such a thing as bad Luck, there has to be some good Luck out there. Right?

One thing Luck did for us was give us such a sweet boy. He's a love bug, just walking around making the "ahAAah" sound (I don't know how to spell it, but trust me it's a cute one, I call it the "i love you" sound) and snuggling with whatever is closest. Usually it's Daisy, who he loves so very much, sometimes he will just stop what he is doing and put his head on my leg and make that sound. He always rubs Snoop on his cheek making that sound. Today he even leaned his head against the TV and made the sound, must have been something good on. ;)

Sam sure was excited to snuggle and "ahAAah"with his Daddy on Saturday morning. He even shared some Snoop Dogg love and his favorite lens cap of the day.