slap me

Well Phil is home from his ski trip. He is on crutches, but at least he is home. It was a challenging week for me, but it took until Friday to cry so I'm going to consider that a success. Sam, Daisy and I were all excited for him to be home. I think Daisy the most. I realized this week he really does take care of 90% of the things she needs.

Why crutches? A torn meniscus or at least thats what a Utah ER doc said. We'll have to follow up with an ortho here hopefully this week. When he first told me he hurt his knee, after saying he was ok but would be laid up for a while, I started thinking selfishly. I found myself annoyed. What an inconvenience it would be for me if Phil had to have surgery. What would I do? I did realize at the time that it wasn't ok for me to think these things. But I was on day 4 of 1:1 with Sam so I figured it had to be because of that. I couldn't really be that horrible a person to feel sorry for myself when Phil was the one injured, could I?

Yesterday afternoon as Sam finally napped and I patiently waited for Phil to come home, I sat at the computer and started checking my blogroll. I love reading other people's blogs. It's like getting to know someone intimately without ever meeting them. I checked in on my usual ones, about photography, interior design, mommyhood, etc. A week ago, a blog I follow made reference to another blog that I clicked on to read. I was overwhelmed by the honesty and heartbreaking reality that this family was going through. Written by a woman who is helping her husband through terminal cancer while taking care of their 2 small children, she is documenting so many details and emotions it became hard not to have an achy heart after reading her posts. I checked this blog yesterday afternoon and saw that he was in the hospital. I prayed for them to find peace and relief from the pain the whole family felt.

I have never met this family. Have never spoken to them. I know nothing about them, but at the same time feel like I know them enough to want to hold their hand and give them a hug and pray for everything to be ok.

I was angry with myself. How ridiculous was I? My husband was away for a week. Big deal?!? He was probably having a harder time than I was knowing how much he loves Sam. Phil was gone for a week and I was grumpy that he was coming home on crutches. Seriously. Instead of thinking how lucky it was that he didn't fall off a 9,000 ft high mountain and hit his head into a tree, I was thinking of the inconvenience to me. I started to look through the photos I took of Sam this week while he was away and wanted to get them together to show him what he missed. The moments of Sam chomping on a wooden spoon in an attempt to make his gums feel better. The naked butt shot while he stood at the door of the bathroom. Playing with his farm, and Daisy's head, and the swinging shutters. I started to write this blog post, but then Phil was home and I left the computer for the night. I was too excited to see him.

As I went back to continue this post today, I checked the Koop blog again just to see if there was an update. And there was. And I cried for them. Her husband was gone. The father of her children was gone. Her best friend was gone.

The slap in the face I needed to bring me out of my selfish cave and into reality I found in this family's tragedy. The bigger picture. And then I cried a little more for them.

He loves his daddy so very much.

This face cracks me up so incredibly much. Maybe because I can just picture him making this face when he gets older and knowing exactly what he is up to because it's the same face I make when I'm trying to get away with something silly. Love.

Want to know how big Sam is? He's so big.

And so tired.