nothing quite like it

Santas cookies are out. The stockings are ready. The presents are wrapped. The christmas pajamas are on. The ground outside is white. And for the first time in my life, we'll be home for Christmas day. My family always did "christmas" on the 24th. Santa came to our house when we were at christmas eve mass, so when we came home we got to dig in and then eat a big awesome dinner. The next morning started early with wake up calls from my crazy, I mean awesome, aunt, and we were at my Nanny's before we barely had time to wipe the sleep from our eyes. All day was spent going back and forth between grandparents' houses, which were luckily only a few miles from each other. It really was awesome. Tons of jokes and laughs, loads of gifts, lots of cookies and card games. Traditions.

And when Phil and I got married I had to learn to share my Christmas. We still bounced around, we just added in another state and 2-3 more houses to visit. The last two years with Sam has made for some interesting travel. When your SUV is full to the brim  (so much so your poor dog is lodged in between gift bags in the back) and you only have one kid, you start to realize you might need to reassess when the next kid comes around.

So for the first time ever, Santa will come to my house when we are sleeping Christmas Eve. He'll eat the cookies left for him (I actually already did that, had to take one for the team). He'll fill the stockings and leave piles of presents. He'll leave a note for the boys, thanking them for being good this year (can also check that off the to do list). And it will all happen in OUR house. Our new house. The first Christmas here, the first Christmas Sam is really into. Bo's first Christmas ever. All of the stress and exhaustion that came from trying to pull this off is going to be so worth it. The only thing Sam asked Santa for was a dragon. And I think I already Saw that Santa put it under the tree. He really IS a good boy. A sweet kid. With a really kind heart. And Bo, well it's too soon to tell ;) But he's probably the best baby i've ever seen - And yes, that's biased, but not really - he actually is awesome.

I hope Santa comes to your hive tonight too. And I hope more than anything you have lots of love to share tomorrow. And every day. And that you get some of that live right back.

Merry chrismas!

Gone By in a Blur

This is what i remember from this past Christmas weekend.

My weekend is about as blurry as this shot of our Christmas tree.

Christmas always makes me think back to Christmases of the past . . . Even way back to when I was a kid. There is a traumatic story about why I really don't like laundry and finding out the "Christmas Secret", but I'll save that so I don't ruin anyone else's Christmas.

I obviously take a lot of photos, not necessarily more than any other mom or camera fanatic, but during the holidays, I try not to overdo it. I want to be present, not just capturing it through my camera. I definitely still got some funny shots, which help to remember all the things that happened over the last few days. So many places, so many people, so many cookies, so many fits, so many boogie wipes, so much wrapping paper hopefully recycled. It's always a lot packed in to a short amount of time. But it's always worth it. Once again things will be different next year. Just like last year we knew Christmas would be different with Sam this year. It's always seemingly the same, but the little things are different. So even though I didn't get 100 shots of Sam opening his many many presents, I got a enough to look back and remember, "Oh yeah, this is the last Christmas before [insert baby #2's name here later] was born." And as each year gets better with more and more joy, I can only sit here excited for next year as I smile at the memories these photos already bring.

Happy Christmas.

Wow. It's Christmas Eve. How did that happen? All the sudden my world and brain slowed back to normal human speed from the alien rate it has been going for several months. And suddenly it's almost another year, I'm halfway through pregnancy #3 and I'm left puzzled. What the hell happened to the last few months??!

Being pregnant again has definitely stunted my brain function and having the busiest season ever with my photography business has demanded that it function properly, if not at a higher rate. So exhaustion set in and I feel like something else took over to get me through it since September. I'm not sure what; it's all a little fuzzy.

It doesn't really matter what or how, but what mattes is that I am starting to feel awake. The shock of how fast time goes is still very present. But it's Christmas Eve. One of the days I look most forward to all year. We had our little Boyer family Christmas this morning. Whether Sam had his mouth wide open because he was in awe or because he can't breathe through his nose it doesn't matter. The face was priceless either way. I'm warm, happy, and proud. Our little expanding family being together with blueberry pancakes this morning was all the present I needed. And Booger (my nickname for this baby) was just as involved in the morning with the Christmas jig performance after each bite of breakfast I took.

I hope each if you is lucky enough to feel as blessed and happy as I do right this very moment.
Happy Christmas.

Sam on Christmas Eve morning...already stealing Daisy's toy.

my 19 week belly...

Sunshine

It's officially Christmas in the Boyer house...well a tiny Christmas anyway. Literally. Our tree is maybe 3 feet? Sam can almost clear it. We debated over the tree because I knew we just didn't have space this year for it since our once pretty empty front room that used to house the tree is now completely cluttered with bright colored noisy toys. If there was a tree there, where would the toys go? We have a pretty tiny house with not many options. So the compromise was a tiny tree. If it's good enough for Charlie Brown, why not us?

Well Phil finally agreed, and since he really wanted a big tree for Sam, it was tough to get the ok. I know Sam would be inside the tree on a daily basis if it were on the ground. Ornaments would break, shards of glass and whatever that glass-like metal is they use to make shiny Christmas balls (seriously what is that stuff?) would be everywhere. Sam didn't seem to mind the size and was frankly more into the lights than the tree.

And then today, winter seemed to finally show its colors with the first snow of the season. Daisy went crazy in the .4 inches but Sam didn't get it. I didn't expect him to really, but he did giggle when he saw Daisy through the back window acting like a fool on the patio. They sat and watched together through Daisy's favorite spying spot.

This week I made our New Years cards. I like to do them better than traditional Christmas cards. There's less pressure, and I think it's usually unexpected to get a new year greeting. Last year I didn't want to do cards. Phil did, but I just wasn't up for it. I had been thinking about what our first Christmas cards with a baby would be since Christmas 08 when I was pregnant with Henry. I just couldn't have another card with a picture of me, Phil and Daisy. It's not what I wanted. So I didn't. The entire last Christmas season was tough. I understand why more people are depressed this time of year. Some people have so much bad in their life, the joy of Christmas is completely drowned in the dark, cold, winter water. I understand that darkness.

But this year. This insane, amazing, unpredictable, fabulous year, there is very little darkness. Pain is still there, but it throbs less and less.

Today, I was reminded of the pain. As I mentioned in another post, I play Pandora's toddler station for Sam during the day. Today "You Are My Sunshine" played and I sang along to the words as I do all the catchy kiddo songs I hear all day. When the second verse started up, I actually listened to the words and gasped. I realized "You Are My Sunshine" is definitely not a children's song.
"The other night dear, as I lay sleeping, I dreamed I held you in my arms.
When I awoke, dear, I was mistaken, so I hung my head and cried."
The words to a seemingly innocent "children's" song brought me back to the first days after we lost Henry. Every cell of my heart ached, and so did my arms. Literally, my arms ached. They were supposed to be holding my baby, and now they were empty and physically aching.

Thinking back to that time was something I hadn't done in a while. I think a little bit about Henry every day, but very rarely does it make me sad. I couldn't possibly be sad with so many beautiful things that have happened in our lives since Henry changed our world. It's a wonderful thing when there,  all the sudden, beautiful trumps darkness. Cuz that darkness? It's a bitch. But a bitch I am grateful not to have to worry about any longer.

We will always have reminders of Henry all over our house. At first, I was worried it would be too  "shriney" and unhealthy. But now, those little "h"'s we have all over reminds us, well me, of what we went through to get to this beautiful life. And they don't bring tears. They bring smiles. Quiet, thoughtful,  blessed smiles.

My favorite reminder of Henry are the angel wings that top our tree. I found them last year at Pier One. I think they cost $1.95, but they could have cost $195 and I would have bought them. Something about them, delicate and small, made me feel the need to stand in a line 4 days before Christmas behind 25 people for a seemingly worthless item. But to me, it's priceless. He will always be present at Christmas.

I've noticed recently that more and more Sam falls asleep with a smile on his face. Maybe all the reminders bring that smile to him. Maybe it's a gas bubble. Either way - I now fall asleep smiling as well. Maybe it's my boys, Phil, Sam and sweet Henry. Maybe its because I look forward to the next day full of adventures and ornery behavior that I love so very much. Likely, it's all of the above. And it's magical.

Lions, Tigers, and . . . Sam??

Oh, my.
We have a growler. A LOUD growler. It's fantastic! As if I wasn't aging quickly enough, Sam insists on making me laugh all day and my wrinkles are gettin' deep, my friends. I'm going to need some night creme.

When Sam is happy he is growling. Smiling and growling. When he wants something and he needs you to know it, he growls at you with his eyebrows down. When he gets it, he keeps growling but with his eyebrows up. He growls at Daisy and she just looks at him with a blank "there he goes again" eye rolling face. I dont actually think dogs can roll their eyes, but I get her, and they are rolling.

He's an animal. We need to keep him in a cage. Oh wait, we kind of already do...hmm.

the animal will fight tooth and nail - well just tooth really - to get out of his cage...

with his giant paws he'll reach the top . . .

 
oh wait - he seems to be a friendly animal....

a VERY friendly animal...

He is a friendly animal indeed. And thankfully, so is Daisy. I think he might love Daisy more than he loves me. It's ok. She really is great. And as soon as she starts washing diapers she'll be almost as good a mom as me.

Sam's other latest trick is dancing. I am afraid for him. He just doesn't have it in his genes. I mean, have you SEEN Phil dance? Those of you who think Phil's a good dancer, you must be white. Because he definitely is not. And me, well, I'm sorry to say it's been tried and tried again but all the booze in the world can't make me a good dancer. Trust me. I put a lot of effort into testing that theory. It was called the "5 year college" plan.

The funniest thing he likes to dance to is the intro to weather tune that plays for maybe 1.5 seconds before the usually inappropriately dressed Sandra Shaw gives the morning forecast on WBAL. So now that I think about it, maybe he's dancing for her? Crap, we are going to have to have a talk.

His butt does keep some kind of rhythm though. Not usually the same rhythm that is playing in the background, but some kind of rhythm all right. I am thankful for Pandora's toddler station. I can play that on the ipad and he dances in his jumper while I shower. That station plays a lot of Disney movie music. It's funny that I still know all the words to Under the Sea and A Whole New World. Hakuna Matatta played the other day and that so far was his favorite Pandora song. In fact, the last 2 times he has been urrationally screaming for no apparent reason, I found myself chanting "hakuna matatta, hakuna matatta" softly and he calmed right down. Those Disney peeps, they're a wacky bunch with a long history of teaching our young girls they need a prince charming to save them from every life situation, but they got it right with the Lion King. In my book anyway.

I have been beyond busy in such a fabulous way with the photography business I really miss my poor neglected blog. We haven't done too many exciting things recently. We are just playing a lot, learning new things each day and eating a ton of good food. Sam's a carnivore for sure. He had some beef stew I made for dinner the other night and he has never growled so much over any food before. It was as if he was growling "MMMMMMMEEEEEEAAT". Thats what I heard anyway. Like I said before. Animal. After all that meat eating, the bath was much needed.

And now I'm off for some sleep. I don't get enough sleep and it's my own darn fault. Oh well - or should I say "Hakuna Matatta"? :)

He's practicing for blocking the paparazzi when he's famous and so rich he's supporting his parents :)

Holy Christmas Batman

We survived. It was questionable there for a bit but we made it. SIX Christmases. Seriously, SIX! I'm so christmased out I dont even want to look at the tree long enough to take it down.
It was good though overall, just exhausting. I took the whole week off and dont feel rested whatsoever. It's good to see the family though. This was the last Christmas Phil and I will have without children ever! Very strange to think about, but true! It's only going to get crazier, but in a good way ;)